Week 4 story: Persephone's Kingdom
Persephone looked around. To her left, blood-red lilies blossomed; to her right, ivy cascaded down a stone wall. She could hear the steady rush of the river Styx in the distance.
Hell's not so bad, she thought. I don't know what my mother is always going on about.
If she listened carefully, she could hear the grunts of Sisyphus as he worked the boulder up the hill, then his moans as it fell yet again. Tender-hearted Persephone voiced her concerns over his punishment and those of the others' to her new husband, but Hades gently explained to her why it must be so.
He was a trickster, he had told his bride when she asked. He cheated the Fates, and now my brother is making him pay.
Now, sweeping her eyes over her kingdom, the goddess could see pomegranate trees in every line of vision. Hades had planted thousands at Persephone's request; they were her favorite fruit, and the reason she was tied to the underworld when the harvest was not in season. Her mother despised pomegranates, telling Persephone that the fruit was cursed and she should never have touched them.
But I did, Persephone told her every time she returned home. I already did, so why not enjoy more?
Persephone was upset to say the least when she was first abducted, yes, but the young goddess had since decided to look for the best in everything. After all, her situation could not be changed -- her father made that quite clear to her. So why not appreciate the beauty of the underworld while she was with her husband, and the bounty of the harvest while she was with her mother?
Her only sadness came from the thought of her dear friend, Kyane. Persephone thought often of the look on the nymph's face when she realized she could not save her. She always made a point of visiting Kyane's fountain when she returned to the earth each year.
Relaxing back into her golden throne, Persephone smiled.
Mine, she thought. It's all mine. And it's beautiful.
Author's note: This story, as I'm sure you can guess, was inspired by the myth of Persephone -- specifically, the section of Ovid's Metamorphoses entitled "Persephone's Fate."
Hell's not so bad, she thought. I don't know what my mother is always going on about.
If she listened carefully, she could hear the grunts of Sisyphus as he worked the boulder up the hill, then his moans as it fell yet again. Tender-hearted Persephone voiced her concerns over his punishment and those of the others' to her new husband, but Hades gently explained to her why it must be so.
He was a trickster, he had told his bride when she asked. He cheated the Fates, and now my brother is making him pay.
Now, sweeping her eyes over her kingdom, the goddess could see pomegranate trees in every line of vision. Hades had planted thousands at Persephone's request; they were her favorite fruit, and the reason she was tied to the underworld when the harvest was not in season. Her mother despised pomegranates, telling Persephone that the fruit was cursed and she should never have touched them.
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| Painting of Charon carrying souls across the river Styx by Alexander Litovchenko. Source: Greek Legends and Myths |
Persephone was upset to say the least when she was first abducted, yes, but the young goddess had since decided to look for the best in everything. After all, her situation could not be changed -- her father made that quite clear to her. So why not appreciate the beauty of the underworld while she was with her husband, and the bounty of the harvest while she was with her mother?
Her only sadness came from the thought of her dear friend, Kyane. Persephone thought often of the look on the nymph's face when she realized she could not save her. She always made a point of visiting Kyane's fountain when she returned to the earth each year.
Relaxing back into her golden throne, Persephone smiled.
Mine, she thought. It's all mine. And it's beautiful.
Author's note: This story, as I'm sure you can guess, was inspired by the myth of Persephone -- specifically, the section of Ovid's Metamorphoses entitled "Persephone's Fate."
Hi Emily! I seriously adored this. Your writing is so beautiful and captivating! I love the personality you have given Persephone. I really want to read more of her! My favorite part was definitely "'Hell's not so bad,' she thought." That introduced her so well and speaks to her seemingly sarcastic and easygoing attitude.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if there was a reason you chose Sisyphus's story to have Persephone focus on near the beginning? I mean, I love it, but it is an interesting choice of noises she listens to when there are so many other events happening in the underworld that she could have sympathy for.
A sentence or two more about Kyane could have been helpful in understanding the predicament. I'm not familiar with the story so it makes it hard for me to understand Persephone's feelings about it, which makes me feel like I'm missing a piece of understanding her character. I do like that you kept all of the descriptions short, though! I have such a short attention span and you found a great balance between not giving enough information and giving too much, so I was able to read the entire story with no boredom.
Great job! I'm excited to read more of your stories this semester!
Hi Emily! You're a great writer and this was enjoyable to read. I loved your use of italics on certain important sections of the dialogue, it was nicely done stylistically! Your descriptions of the underworld are vivid and compelling.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why the mom thinks that pomegranates are cursed? I don't know my Greek mythology very well, so I would enjoy learning more about that.
Your sentences are great throughout. At point though I was confused when you said "After all, her situation could not be changed -- her father made that quite clear to her." I don't have much context on this myth, so I wasn't sure about who her father was or why things can't change. A more knowledgable reader on the subject would understand though I'm sure!
This is fantastic writing, great job!
Oh and also, I was impressed by your choice of words during the whole story. It kept everything really interesting, can't wait to read more of your stories!
DeleteHi Emily! I loved all the description in your writing. The part where you talked about the pomegranate trees lined up really made me picture exactly what I think it would look like. This story also reminded me of the Percy Jackson movie, if you've ever seen Persephone in Hell down there.
ReplyDeleteI understood that Persephone was trapped down there, but I did wonder what exactly happened with her dad that he made clear about her unchangeable situation. Maybe you could do another story on that and write like a prequel?
I also think it would be really interesting if you added more characters. What if Hades (her husband, right?) came into the scene and they interacted with dialogue? I know she's there because of him so I feel like the reader would also be interested in meeting him in the story.
Anyways, I loved your story and think this could definitely make a cool storybook for you if there were more chapters/more specific stories about her life too!
I noticed you added the Painting of Charon Carrying Souls across the River Styx, but although the setting is the same, Charon never shows up in your story.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to keep the image, maybe you could use Charon and his boat as a plot device.
Perhaps your story could be set when Persephone is returning to Hell. Persephone could travel by Charon's boat after spending part of the year with her mother. Maybe Demeter always bemoans Persephone's fate during the spring and summer months. Demeter's complaints could be the reason why Persephone remembers her time in Hell. Persephone could recall her first impressions of Hell when she saw Sisyphus for the first time. Persephone could also reflect on her decision to eat the pomegranate seeds.
I enjoyed the depiction you created of Persephone sitting on a golden throne. I think that as an ending would be good. After Persephone arrives in Hell, her attendants meet her and Persephone returns to her rightful rule over the dead.
Overall, I think your details from other myths, such as Sisyphus, bring more life to your story. However, since you write to an audience that also knows that myths, other people can get confused. I understood the myth of Hades and Persephone. However, my confusion over who is Kyane jarred me out of your story.
Hey Emily! Wow, I loved this retelling! Your attention to the description of Hell and to Persephone's thoughts is beautiful and captivating. You have great writing skills! I'm really looking forward to reading the rest of your work this semester! I'm going to bookmark your blog to come back to it. :)
ReplyDelete- Cate
Hi Emily,
ReplyDeleteI loved reading through your interpretation of this story! I'm somewhat familiar with the story of Persephone and how she came to live in the underworld with Hades. It was a good retelling with the specific details! I enjoyed the details like the pomegranate trees being planted in her honor. As well as her deciding to change her negative situation into a semi-positive one. Making Persephone have an optimistic attitude made the story more enjoyable in spite of the reality of what happened. I liked that you also added a more in-depth look of what the underworld was like. With the details about the two people and the punishments Persephone witnessed. I wished we could have gotten a more in depth look at her friendship with Kyane. It would have been cool to see a little flashback of an interaction before Persephone was taken by Hades. Overall your story was wonderful, good work!
Hello, Emily!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this writing because, I myself, love the tale of Persephone and Hades. You did a really good job writing this and your writing style is very easy to read and flow very nicely together. I loved the end of the story where Persephone leans back in her throne and whispers mine. I always like to imagine that even though she was reluctant at first, she ultimately loved to be in the underworld more than she enjoyed visiting her mother.
-Sam
Hi Emily!
ReplyDeleteI loved how immersive this story was. The writing was really engaging and all of the imagery and description was captivating. I felt like I could picture everything you were describing!
I really liked how you described her mother so well without every explicitly naming her. Even though I am not very familiar with the story I felt like you helped me understand that relationship. You also did something similar when you added the detail about Sisyphus. Even if I was not aware of that story, you gave me just enough information to both picture it and understand his relationship to the characters in your scene.
However, since I'm not completely familiar with Persephone, I think the couple of places I wanted more information was when you mentioned her father and Kyane. I think adding context to both of those characters would help me resonate more with what Persephone is feeling, particularly near the end of the story. Overall, I think you did a great job of giving the reader just enough information and description while still leaving room for intrigue!
Hi Emily,
ReplyDeleteI liked your story! We often hear about the tragedy of Persephone’s story, but your characterization of her as a (somewhat bleak) optimist and silver-lining-sorta-girl is interesting. Your use of formatting is also great: it both emphasizes and creates the structure of the story and lets us see two different levels of Persephone’s thoughts.
Looking forward to the next stories,
Best,
A.M.
Hi Emily! What really struck me about your story was the narrative style that you use. The perspective your story was told from has made it one of the most enjoyable reads of the semester so far. You have a great voice. This story reads like something that you spent a lot of time planning and crafting out meticulously. The way you use dialogue is better than any other story I have read so far. Your dialogue always feels like it is supposed to be there. You use it when it is necessary, and you smoothly flow from narrative to dialogue and back again.
ReplyDeleteI am not familiar with any Persephone stories so yours served as a great jumping off point. I really liked how you incorporated Persephone's thoughts into your story. That strikes me as a technique that only a seasoned writer would use. I think you are fantastic at showcasing characters emotions. Instead of just telling us Persephone was upset, you show us.
Hi Emily! My favorite thing about your story was the style of writing you used. I especially loved how you included Persephone's thoughts, which allowed me to really feel what she was feeling as well. Dialogue is a powerful tool, but reading into thoughts allows something that even good dialogue cannot achieve. I wonder what would have happened if you included Hades as a character, with a more emotional role. Traditionally, Hades is penned as almost an evil character, but his gift of flowers to Persephone clearly shows that he cannot be all that bad.
ReplyDeleteThe only suggestion I would have would be potentially making the story have a larger arch. I felt like it was only a snippet, as there was no real problemm that needed to be solved. Other than that, I loved it!
Hey Emily!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this reading. I actually have read a lot about Persephone and Hades and it think it’s pretty funny that last night I watched Percy Jackson and the Lighting Thief, and they were both in it. What I really enjoyed about your story was the details that you provided and the depth that you gave to hell. After reading it over I really felt like I could visual hell and see her standing and looking at what her life was going to be like, and it was saddening, but in a good way. I wonder what would have happened if she had never gone to hell? It definitely would have been interesting to wonder about what Hades did if he never got Persephone in the first place. If you happen to write another story about Persephone and Hades what if you make it to where Hades actually shows he has a heart and lets her be free from hell because he understands that she will never truly be happy with him. Overall, I thought this story was very descriptive and did a great job of adding the element of fear and sadness to the story that is sometimes missing.
Hi Emily! I really enjoyed reading this story! I love Greek Mythology so when I saw the title of this post, I knew I had to read it. I feel like I haven't read much about Persephone but I do remember her from the Percy Jackson movies and I feel like your version of Persephone really reminded me of her. One part I loved was the ending when she's sitting on her golden throne and she's like "mine. All mine and it's beautiful."
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